things with the guy are horrible. He asked me to have lunch, but then made me feel like he was doing me a favor. I became hostile, and yet again, had to explain why I'm such a drama queen. In reality, I'M NOT, or at least I think I'm not.
I know it's not even about him. He has a girlfriend. He loves her. She's brilliant. It's about me being unwilling/unable to put myself out there for someone who would love me. I don't even know where to find him.
I realized something last night. I am profoundly lonely. I guess everything is coming full circle, because my loneliness spurred this blog in the first place.
I've never felt so depressed before. I used to love life, and I still do, to a certain extent. What's changed though, is that I used to look forward to life. I don't anymore.
help.
1 comment:
Your facebook admission was NBD. Everyone has little weird things that they do. If that is as bad as it gets, you are in good shape.
My opinion (and it won't involve religion or celibacy till marriage etc...) is that you need to ditch this guy. He is holding you back from what's next and who's next and believe me, there is a next and it is way better than someone who obviously loves having you want him but has no intention of taking it anywhere. He gives you just enough to keep you around, but then pulls back just when you see a glimmer of hope. MOve on. Get on with your life. It may seem impossible to do, but it isn't. It may not happen overnight but it will happen and you will start to love getting up and you will look forward to your day. Start with some small changes. Seek out people you like to hang with and then hang with them and open yourself to the possibility of meeting someone new. Be patient, be positive and hang in there. I have seen MANY a dry lonely spell, even as an "older" adult. You can weather this and good things are ahead. Loneliness can only be solved by you, not by someone else. Put yourself out there!!!
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