P.S.

oh ya, and i'm starting work tomorrow and i'm fucking terrified.

send?

so this is an email i just wrote that's saved in my drafts:

hey - i thought of you since it's graduation. hope all is well. congratulations on finishing. 

it's to a guy a slept with a couple of times last summer. i liked him a lot, but nothing came of it. it was complicated. we didn't live in the same city (though we will soon). i acted like a bitch and made it seem like i was using him for sex. he was an asshole - either in response to me or just because he didn't like me.

anyway, so the last time we saw each other we had sex and then i left. i have no idea how he feels about me (and considering it was almost a year ago, i can't imagine he's thinking about me at all). But, i know he's moving to my city in a few months and i wonder if i should plant the seed. 

check out bat for lashes

so today at starbucks i saw a guy blow his nose in a napkin and then decide to be a good Samaritan and wipe up the spilled milk at the sugar/milk stand with that same napkin. what the fuck are people thinking?

anyway, so i wasn't freaking out about school. it was a remarkable feeling actually. then today i was napping and woke up with a start because i think i failed one of my classes. if not fail then a B- or even a C! i just want a B. please give me a B. i hate this. 

where is my life going to lead? certainly not down the path of a lawyer...what a waste. 

oh shit

so i have an exam tomorrow and i'm awake, but not even freaking out. it's weird. i don't care. i should, but i don't. i haven't even been flipping out about the exam i already wrote, even though i easily could do, considering there's a lot of stuff i didn't write.

fuck it.

i just found out i won't have a job after i graduate, even though they promised me one. fuck it.

gross

it's exam time again. i haven't written in a while.

i'm completely desperate to lose weight, but it's not happening. i'm thinking of taking up smoking again.

it's weird; why can't i just not eat? it seems so simple, and yet it's impossible. what's more frustrating is that i go to the gym incessantly, so it's not like i don't have will power (well, i guess though, only in that respect). The other annoying things is that i don't even think i'm that bad of an eater. firstly, i'm obsessed with healthy eating. i don't eat shit out of a box or anything. i eat plain yogurt and oatmeal for breakfast, and salads or healthy sandwiches for lunch (plus i'm a vegetarian)! as a snack, i eat nuts, fruits or vegetables. sounds perfect, right? 

well, not after 7 p.m. seriously, that's when my downfall happens. i don't really eat dinner, or i eat dinner and it's small. then, i snack and snack and snack. my favorite is ice cream. hagen daaz. 

the other problem time is when i'm coming home after a night out. at 3 am i will always get pizza. it's disgusting, but i'm single so i don't care. i eat it in bed and watch movies. 

i fucking hate facebook

On an unrelated note, i'm still waiting to hear back from the professor. You'd think he'd at least respond.

i wish top chef was still on. But i can't fucking believe Hosea won. he sucked. Okay stefan should have made a better final meal, but he was obviously the best chef. Hosea should have never made the final. Should have been Jamie, Carla, Stefan, with stefan as the winner.

love stefan richter.

update

i sent the letter to my professor. now i wait. i'm not optimistic, but at least the worst is over (hopefully).