Who Am I? Who knows? I am 22. I live in NYC, but I'm from a place that's a lot cooler. I lost my virginity when I was 16 in a church parking lot (it's okay though, I'm a Jew) and had an incredible sex life until I was 19. Since then, none. Sure I make out sometimes, but I've lost all the intimacy that used to be so present in my life.
I have a ton of friends all over the map but in the last six months I've realized that I'm completely alone.
I'm hot but I wish I weighed 10 lbs less. My parents are rich, but I'm not a snob. I'm a feminist (in a way which you'll soon come to understand), I love life and what I really want to do is change the world.
I'm in love, but he has a girlfriend. We pretend to be friends, but it's all bullshit. Nothing real has ever been said. I keep pretending; I don't know if he is too.
My whole life I've gotten everything that I've wanted, and it didn't take me a lot of effort to do. I've smoked more weed than most slackers I know, but somehow I've gotten into the best universities in the world. I've always gotten good grades, but I never had to study that much.
Recently though, it's all changed. I feel lost. I could do anything, but I want to do nothing.
I'm starving for sex and a relationship, but I don't know where to get it. Today I bought an entire cheesecake and had them put it in a box to make it seem like I had something to do, like take it to a party. Instead I brought it home, melted chocolate chips to pour over it and ate it. Then I masturbated to a lesbian porn video on redtube. christ...what am I doing?
6 comments:
I've never been to NY.
Lived in OK, TX, MO, IA (for 3 verrry looong winters) & KS.
Have you thought of abstaining from sex until marriage ?
Waiting for THE one ?
I've only had sex with one person & within marriage.
Aren't you afraid of STDs ?
We do have a grandson, but no DIL. He is 4.
You are my oldest son's age.
Do you have any G rated hobbies ;)) ?
I found this blog via so very alone, fatty, pw, cw....
I am Christian & attend a Southern Baptist CHurch.
Do you attend synagogue ?
Have you heard of Jews for Jesus ? They are suppose to be in town this month. We've heard them before.
I hope you aren't offended by my ?s or suggestions...
Everybody goes through times of feeling alone, and if they don't they are either exceedingly lucky, supremely stupid or extremely unaware.
This will pass. It will all pass and you will move on to a new place and only vaguely remember how you felt right now. If it persists longer than you think you can stand, you can choose to make some changes. It is all within your control. I could give you lots of advice (none of it involving Jesus) but won't unless you ask. You seem like a smart, capable person. I really think if you aren't a little lost and lonely at 22 you aren't normal. (but don't let the cheesecake and porn become a routine: ))
A very frank opening post.
I think everyone goes through a stage of "what the hell am I doing" at some point. It's how you deal with it that matters... the self destructive way is probably not the best. Hobbies? Interests? Friends?
Best wishes. :)
I've been going through that "phase" for almost two years now. I'm thisclose to leaving my husband and moving to NYC. I feel like I need a fresh start. Like I can't breathe. Like if I stay here I'll throw myself off the roof. And not because my life is terrible. It isn't. I have a good job, as does my husband, I want for nothing, I have a car and nice things. It's just none of it feels like my life.
And the sad part is I'm five years older than you.
Hello, I'm from Australia, I feel your pain.
Hang in there, your not alone.
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